


"Threeway on the Bridge at 2300, Bring Handcuffs"

by LovelyZelda



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-02
Updated: 2010-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:14:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/83901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyZelda/pseuds/LovelyZelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from myself (stay with me on this)</p><p>After writing <i>FTWIHAIHTTS</i> fic, I was struck by remorse.  I'd been wondering how to deal with McCoy's "I've never been happy" thing, and then I remembered Spock's announcement at the end of <i>This Side of Paradise</i> and Kirk's fridged Native American family and decided they're just all full of shit.</p><p>But what I really should've done:</p><p> </p><p><a href="http://lovelyzelda.livejournal.com/133647.html?thread=552207#t552207">Dammit, I should've made that some kinky sex code. Like whenever one of them says "I've never been happy" that means "threeway on the bridge at 2300, bring handcuffs"</a></p><p>It's kinky, but I'd say it's kind of a low level, every day kind of kinky.  Which is the sort of warning that tells you more about the author than the fic, so: there are handcuffs, but Spock and Bones never really get as rough as Kirk would like (and Kirk never really wants anything rougher than what he'd be subjected to in a typical episode).</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Threeway on the Bridge at 2300, Bring Handcuffs"

"An interesting planet, captain," said Spock.

"Yes," said Kirk. "I don't think I've ever been happier."

Spock and McCoy both raised an eyebrow at him. "Indeed, captain?"

"You know, I think," Kirk smiled broadly, "I think this is the first time in my life I've ever been happy."

Sulu thought it was a strange thing to say, especially in front of Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy. Not that a Vulcan could really understand happiness, but it still seemed a bit cruel.

"Fascinating," said Spock.

"Thanks, Jim," said McCoy.

"You're welcome, Bones," said Kirk (and that was more than just a bit cruel!) "Now let's get back to the ship before they send somebody out looking for us."

***

Kirk stepped onto the almost empty bridge. "You're in my chair," he said.

McCoy spun to face him and smiled. "Thought I'd like to take the conn tonight."

"You know it is still a few minutes before--"

"Now, you make me nervous, Jim boy, and I might just forget where I put the keys." McCoy held up a pair of antique handcuffs. Kirk had never been sure why exactly he had them. Well, he knew _why_ so maybe it was more of a "how".

"You wouldn't want the next shift coming in and seeing you like that, would you?" McCoy asked.

Kirk leaned over the chair. "Like what?"

"Naked. Handcuffed to something. And by then you might not be up to standing, so they'd get a hell of a view."

"No, we can't have that."

"Then you'd better be on your best behavior."

They both looked up as the turbolift doors slid open. "I think that one, Spock." McCoy nodded at the railing.

Kirk struggled slightly as Spock dragged him over--not hard enough to actually get away of course. He hoped that this time one of them would smack him for it and was disappointed when neither Spock nor McCoy did.

"What do you think's the best way to do this?" asked McCoy.

"I believe the real question is, 'Can he be trusted with one hand free?'" said Spock.

"Of course you can trust me," said Kirk.

"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" asked McCoy.

They both looked at the chair. "Gentlemen, I'm sure we can discuss this," said Kirk.

McCoy (finally) backhanded him. "There's nothing to discuss," said Spock.

"See, Jim, Spock knows how it works." McCoy reached past Kirk to stroke Spock's cheek.

They handcuffed him to the railing, facing the center chair.

Kirk sucked Spock's fingers while McCoy adjusted the settings on something that looked suspiciously like a laser scalpel.

"From the looks of Spock, you're doing a pretty piss poor job," said McCoy. He stepped in close to Kirk, just close enough for their bodies to almost be touching. Spock pulled his hand away as McCoy put one hand on Kirk's shoulder and said, "You don't want to move, Jim boy." He used what was in fact a laser scalpel to cut Kirk's shirt in half.

It stung, very faintly, as it moved through his shirt. "Bones, I can tell that's not strong enough to draw blood."

"You want to test me?" McCoy asked. Then he switched off the scalpel without even a scratch. Just like Kirk knew he would.

Sometimes he thought it was unfortunate that Bones and Spock had a definite stopping point for this sort of thing, especially since Bones could just put him back together when they were done. (Of course maybe that was why he'd let Bones and Spock tie him up on the bridge and cut his clothes off with things that could cut through skin and bone.)

McCoy looked at Spock. "I think we should beat the hell out of him. He's been sassing me all night."

"Oh, no," said Kirk.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "'Sassing', doctor?"

"Back talk," said McCoy.

"Please not that," said Kirk.

"I believe Jim disagrees with your suggestion," said Spock.

"Anything but that!"

McCoy shrugged. "He knows the safe word."

"Please, Spock, I'll do anything," said Kirk. He pulled against the railing in just the right way to get his shirt to fall open and start to slide down his arms.

Somehow this still completely failed to get their attention (although he thought they may both have given him a quick glance. The corner of McCoy's mouth twitched upward in a way that suggested he'd at least taken a look.)

"I find this entire thing barbaric," said Spock.

"I already explained--"

"Doctor, to call your explanations 'worthless' would be an insult to things of no value."

"Gentlemen," said Kirk as McCoy and Spock kept moving closer to each other, "I cannot emphasize enough that I do not want anyone to come over here and hit, bite, or kick me."

"Watch it, you god damned hobgoblin!"

Spock grabbed his wrist. "Or what, doctor? You will attempt to prove to me how uncivilized your species is?"

"I certainly would not like anyone to take the flat end of an object--such as a hairbrush--and administer it to any particular region of my body," said Kirk.

"Now who's being uncivilized?" asked McCoy.

Kirk could appreciate that he would have been able to appreciate this much more if it'd been his wrist Spock grabbed. Or even his hand on either one of them.

"Get your damn hands off me," McCoy snapped.

"Only to give you an example of a _logical_, _rational_ means of--"

McCoy grabbed him by the collar and roughly kissed him. Spock pushed him into the center chair and climbed on top of him.

Kirk had to admit he did have an excellent view and, since it was Spock and Bones, this was either fairly spontaneous or completely rehearsed.

Rehearsed might have been better--if this was a real argument, they really might forget he was there.

"Have you two been practicing?"

They ignored him--well, he was fairly sure that Spock had very deliberately thrown one of their shirts over his head.

By the time Kirk managed to shake it off, they'd switched places--Bones was on Spock's lap, licking and kissing one of Spock's hands, his head titled back as Spock kissed his neck.

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough when I said I'd do anything," said Kirk.

"What's wrong, Jim?" asked McCoy.

"You did say you did not wish us to cause you any physical harm," said Spock.

"We're just giving you what you want, Jim boy."

Spock turned the chair slightly, and Kirk could see he was stroking both of their dicks together.

"I think I may have changed my mind," said Kirk. "My past behavior has been...it's been just shameful, and I deserve nothing more than a good beating."

Spock and McCoy ignored him and went back to kissing each other. "Am I the only one who understands what a threesome is?" asked Kirk.

"Darlin," McCoy squeezed Spock's shoulders, "I want to fuck you in the captain's chair."

"An intriguing suggestion," said Spock.

"I'd be more than happy to explain it to you," said Kirk. "You see, a threesome is--"

McCoy stood up. "Jim, I thought we made it clear nobody wants to discuss anything with you." He pulled off Spock's boots--"If you want to join in, why don't you just come on up here?"--then the rest of his clothes.

Kirk couldn't decide if he wanted them to fuck in his chair or not. Mostly yes, but what he really wanted was for one (ideally both) of them to kiss him and touch him (or at least give him one of his hands back).

McCoy crouched by one of Spock's knees, angling himself so Kirk had an excellent view and Bones could watch him. "You want something, Jim?" he asked as he stroked Spock's thigh.

"You know what I want, Bones," said Kirk.

"Can't say that I do, Jim boy," said McCoy. "You've just been all over the place." He stood up again, but only to straddle Spock. He traced Spock's ear with his tongue and said, "First you don't want me to tan your hide, then you're begging me for it."

When they kissed, it was almost all tongue. Kirk pulled against the handcuffs. "Spock--"

"You're dealing with me tonight, Jim. I said I was taking the conn, didn't I?"

"Bones, please. I won't even look at Spock if that's what you want."

"No, Jim, I think I want you to take a good, hard look at Spock. I think--" McCoy held Spock by the shoulders and gave him a long, slow kiss. Kirk didn't know whose place he wanted to be in, even when he thought he heard a very quiet, very pleased little noise from Spock.

"Jim, which would bother you more? Watching me fuck Spock or watching Spock fuck me?"

"At least untie me," said Kirk. "One hand."

Spock and McCoy looked at each other. Kirk felt even more forgotten than when he thought they might actually be having real argument sex.

And then, since it was Spock and Bones, they were beside him just as he started to seriously wonder if they were going to just leave him there. They kissed his cheek, his neck, his jaw, his neck, his shoulders--everywhere except his lips, and they turned away every time he tried to kiss them.

"How many credits?" Kirk asked.

"The hell're you talking about?" McCoy asked from the underside of Kirk's jaw.

"Since I can't seem to steal a kiss, I thought I'd try buying one."

McCoy cupped his face in his hands. "Now, Jim, all you had to do was ask." His accent was so thick Kirk was surprised he didn't actually say "y'all" (Spock really did excellent work). McCoy gave him a warm, incredibly kind smile--and then kissed him on the forehead.

"Bones, you are far more sadistic than I gave you credit for."

McCoy grinned at him. "Not my fault you'd enjoy the paddling too much to make it any damn fun."

They both kissed him at the same time and pulled his pants off together.

"You want him first, Spock?"

"Most generous, doctor."

"My pleasure, Mr. Spock." McCoy kissed Spock's hand like somebody out of Earth history. Kirk was immediately suspicious.

McCoy put his arms around Kirk's waist and kissed his neck.

Spock's fingers were slick and slightly cold. He pressed in deeper and started to make slow circles with his fingers. McCoy held him by his hips and moved so Kirk couldn't grind against him. It was absolutely maddening when McCoy kissed him and Spock added another finger.

Spock started to move his fingers in and out, pausing and curling them just enough when he was all the way in. Kirk whimpered and turned away from McCoy--who just kissed his neck instead--to say, "I'm ready, Spock."

"Are you, Jim?" Spock continued as if they weren't having this conversation.

"I need more, Spock."

"Very interesting, Jim," said Spock. "I find I am quite content."

Kirk could feel McCoy smirking against his neck. "Spock, I need you to fuck me."

"I already am, Jim."

"Tell him you need that green blooded cock in you," said McCoy.

"Spock, I need your green blooded cock. Inside me. Now."

"I do not feel it is necessary."

"Bones, I need you to yell at Spock."

"Well, he is technically fucking you," McCoy said in his ear. "You're just going to have to be patient."

He smiled at McCoy. "At least come closer, Bones."

McCoy did--on his side, still where Kirk couldn't really press against him. As he kissed Kirk, it felt like McCoy was stroking Spock--definitely not himself since he'd occasionally grind against Kirk's leg.

Spock came on his back and what was left of his shirt. He pulled his fingers out and for a maddeningly long time just stood there.

"You all right, Spock?"

"I am...quite well, doctor."

"Good."

McCoy was somehow still able to fuck him slowly, and Spock kissed him gently, and Kirk would've screamed at them if Spock's mouth hadn't been in the way. He'd seen Spock kiss McCoy roughly, but he never kissed Kirk that way, and Kirk usually didn't have the heart to ask him to do it any differently.

"Bones, please, I need to be _fucked_."

"All right, Jim," said McCoy. "But only because you asked so nice." He thrust hard enough that Kirk moaned in Spock's mouth and wondered if he was going to end up with a dislocated shoulder (well, that'd be Bones' problem).

He pleaded when Spock stopped kissing him and immediately stopped as soon as Spock wrapped his lips around his dick.

"Why?" he asked when Spock stopped.

"I don't know if you've earned it." He looked up past Kirk at McCoy, who must've nodded (or Spock didn't really care what he thought) because Spock brought Kirk back into his mouth and sucked him harder than before.

McCoy came inside him, and Kirk came in Spock's mouth. His legs were shaking, and when McCoy undid the handcuffs, Spock caught Kirk before he fell.

He let McCoy pull off his ruined shirt before putting his arms around Spock and burying his face in the Vulcan's warm neck.

Kirk would've been perfectly happy to stay right there (especially if Bones would stop wasting time and come over) until Spock said his name, reminding him they were on the bridge.

They got dressed quickly--Spock and McCoy didn't even bother to make sure they grabbed their own shirts off the floor.

In the turbolift, Kirk put an arm around each of them, and they leaned into him. He was completely, utterly, perfectly happy (at least until they had to get out).


End file.
